This article is for all of us awakening to the greater truth. In order to live we must love each and every day as if it were the last. Although we are eternal we must eternally live and believe in love.. When we truly love we must love with the might of the creator.
How I learned to Love the most unloveable person I have known.
Always clear minded as a child, understanding more than what my adult counter parts could fathom. I knew who they were, even before they knew how to deal with the quiet observant “child” while the two women who formed my self image discussed my inability to understand what was going on.
At such an early age, still within my mothers womb, I knew I was in for a rude awakening, as the war and rumors of war spread in a volatile nation into which I was born. The birth wasn’t easy, I was born at home and made my grand entrance and now remembering the thought , what have I done and I don’t belong here. Yet behind it all an overwhelming love sprung from the deepest core of my being which was not yet fully integrated in the body I had no actual control over yet.
The first in a lineage in my family to accept to clear ancestral karma, the karma of lack, abandonment, abuse and unworthiness. Yes, those where the first stones laid upon my foundation. Yet my heart always loving and pure, always willing to forgive and love and always being the eternal optimist. I always knew and felt people can change if they are willing to take responsibility and to have a closer look at themselves.
As much as my heart was battered by the ignorance of the ones who were to raise me, my innocence and my purity remained. I always knew I was born into the family but I was not one of them. This overwhelming feeling carried for many, many years to come.
At around the age of 12 or 13 I was taken aboard a “ship” and was catered and healed as my desire to be in this planet dwindled. Back refreshed and with a deep sense of love for nature I overcame my sadness and enjoyed being in nature so much.
Ah but alas a program of unworthiness was accepted by my innocent mind at such an early age. I suffered for many years of shyness due to family programming. It would be a long story to write everything that happened to me, yet my heart always remained hopeful.
Moving fast forward to my first romantic love… I felt a love so deep so pure and yet I was told by her I was too nice and I didn’t know what love was. I was too young at the age of 16-17. Very confusing thing to say to someone who had no actual life experience since I was very sheltered at home while being raised by my grandparents.
Such statement made me ache with deep sadness as I loved with all my passion, so unfortunately I learned to create walls around my heart. I never wanted to experience the ache and yearning, I experienced by being pushed aside as nothing for being “Too nice.” I had now another major program within me. If I’m not nice my partner would love me. Yet my heart always over came it until it would become triggered and I would go into fear of being hurt.
So much happened in between, I dated here and there as dating came easy. One thing that set me apart from my friends was that I was always sweet and honest and never just to have a one night stand just for the sake of it. Even then walls kept being built because nice some times backfired. Honesty backfired many a time.
One thing I was oblivious to, is the simple fact I was not loving myself, the one who needed to love me was me. Yet I didn’t know how to, due to the fact I had been programmed to believe I was unworthy and second I was never shown love in the family the way that many functional families do.
I have to admit in my 4 decades of life I have only had two long term relationships. First one; we were both just entering our 20’s. We both were very inexperienced but always hopeful. I had a little more experience under my belt and I also had the inability to feel or accept love long enough to make me feel I deserved it.
Children were born faster than our capacity to enjoy our relationship at the time. Responsibility set in, and now I had another life to take care of which opened my heart in a very beautiful way. My daughter was my life and my all. Her mother also grew so much and somehow, we managed to grow in spite of all the challenges faced by many things which I won’t share for the timebeing. Birth of my daughter, one wall dropped!
I learned so much but didn’t learn or quite grasped a single detail, how to love myself. Towards the end of that relationship I was beginning to enter into my power I became more balanced and was able to give me glimpses of pure love. It was around that time I became a healer and a teacher. Arguments at home pretty much stopped at the end of the relationship and we got along quite well. We even did a very simple an easy divorce. Separation was still painful. Another wall dropped.
My second long term relationship is with a strong, smart, sweet and stubborn lady. This amazing being is my twin flame. My greatest mirror, she pushed me to see within ,so deep I became afraid of all the walls and of whom I really was. I discovered this powerful, assertive side of me, yet the childhood programs would get in the way. I did as much as I could to face my fears. My fears did push at her very hard and at the same time I mirrored her that which she thought wasn’t there.
Twin flames are indeed one of the most powerful ways to get to know yourself. There is a deep magnetic love and when in alignment it is a gift from heaven. When not in alignment perception gets warped and honestly might as well speak in a different language each. Even our guides and angels would say, more loving less talking.
For the first time I was given a very beautiful love, god I became fearful, why am I being loved? I’m not worthy said the program within me. Through it all we both tried our best, mirroring each others fears and or that which needed to be cleared. Many times I would get easily angry because in the end it was my fear being activated by such a powerful love.
I begun to see with eyes of love, since my love for her since the first day I met her was strong, with each day it became stronger and stronger and with greater depth. Now I have to admit my fears made it a little difficult to fully experience the fullness of such love.
So much has happened since 4 years ago when we met, there have been some ups, some downs but through it all the love is always present and ever growing even when the ego didn’t want to admit. A love so strong it made life brighter!
Without going into in-depth details regarding the relationship at this current time, I can say so many walls broke down within me. For the first time in my life I was able to fully give my heart without expectations and without need to hold back. For the first time ever my heart was vulnerable and truly in sacred love.
In the process I made so many mistakes, which the vulnerability of my loving heart allowed me to see, and to immediately change and has pushed me to each day be a better aspect of my self as I integrate more and more of my higher aspects. I finally see the field of absolute potential and it is wonderful and amazing.
Love is in my heart and love guides me to love my self more and more, I can sincerely say “ I love you Jose, from the very core of my existence.” I love my temple for being so strong and for withstanding so many storms within me. Yet love has prevailed. So here is a wonderful victory I learned to love the unlovable person I thought I was!
I have finally become a man, a man who can easily cry without being ashamed any more or without feeling weak or guilty. I have grown into a man ready to be in his power. I am Absolute Potential!
Ootya, by learning to love you I have learned to love myself, Thank you and know I love you with all of me. Eyes, heart always only on you.